I Have to Believe
by Scorpion24
Summary: A one shot  maybe two?  following the great conversation between Harry and Erin at the end of S10 E2. I think there could have been a nice HR moment following it... and fan fiction allows that :-
1. Chapter 1

**One shot (maybe two) based on the conversation between Harry and Erin at the end of S10 E2. I really loved the conversation and the way Erin can be such a good mum and spook. I also felt it would have led to a nice HR moment…**

_He is stood alone on the rooftop. He senses her quiet approach._

"I do."

"Sorry?"

"Trust you. Completely."

"I never said you didn't."

"You did!"

"No, I said I hoped I was completely in you confidence. The fact that you feel the need to justify it is… well…"

"Us?"

"Unnerving."

_Silence._

"How was Erin?"

"Tired. Fraught. Hopeful."

"Hopeful?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand."

"She disagreed with me."

"Disagreed with you?"

"Yes."

"P45 for Watts, then?"

"And why would that be?"

"Well no one disagrees with you. Well, except from…"

"You?"

_She smiles._

"And which one of your enamoured ideas did she choice to disagree with? Your swift acceptance of Tariq new hairstyle? Your opinion on her positioning of your chair?"

"My choice of livelihood actually. That's what she disagreed with."

"How so?"

_He sighed, heavily._

"I told her that to do this job she must sacrifice two things. She must be prepared to sacrifice herself."

"We all know that Harry. While unconceivable we are all only too aware."

"I know. She knows that too. It's the second part that she disagreed with- that we must also sacrifice those we love most dearly."

"Well, your right. In fact, that's one thing we are particularly good at, talking from experience."

"Ruth!"

"What?"

"Don't."

"Why? It's true! I did it to George. You did it to Elena."

"I did it to you."

"Yes… yes well, that was a long time ago."

_Silence._

"Erin refused to accept it. She said she had to believe I was wrong."

"You think she's naive?"

"Well…"

"You thought I was naive once."

"I never said you were naive."

"You should have. I was."

"There are worse things to be."

"I don't think Erin's naive."

"Neither do I."

_He looks at her._

"I have to believe I'm wrong, as well, Ruth."

"About my naivety?"

"About having to sacrifice the ones I love… the one I love… you."

"Harry, I…"

"I know I'm selfish. I know I'm stupid and, well, naïve, but I love you Ruth. I love you."

_She kisses, suddenly._

"I know."

_With that she leaves him stood alone on the rooftop._

**Not sure whether to do one more chapter or whether to leave it like this. Let me know what you think **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for you fab reviews- I have taken your advice and decided there was another chapter to be written for this story. I hope you enjoy it…**

_He follows her swiftly back to the Grid._

"Ruth? Ruth! You can't run from this."

"Run from what? What is it that I'm running from?"

"Me. Us. This! You kissed me."

"You said you love me."

"I do."

"Do you love Ellena?"

"That's not fair."

"Why?"

"Did you love George?"

"That was different Harry!"

"Why?"

"Because George is dead and Ellena is… well, she's here. Now."

"If I didn't know you better, Ruth, I'd say you were jealous."

"Jealous! Bloody hell, Harry! Jealous! You think that's what I am? This is beyond some high school crush, you know! This is beyond jealous! This is heartbreak. This is… it's… devastating."

_He reaches for her but she pulls free from his grip._

"No! No Harry. Don't."

"But Ruth, I…"

"You what, huh? How are you planning on making this right? How are you planning on saving this?"

_There is a long, painful silence. Slowly a sad smile stretches across her lips._

"It's funny- I didn't think you could mourn for something that was never there."

"We both know that's not true. There has been, and always will be, something there."

_He takes a step towards her, but does not reach out for her._

"You were wrong Harry."

"I've been wrong about a lot of things."

"I don't think we have to sacrifice ourselves or the ones we love for this job. I think we have to sacrifice everything. We have to sacrifice our heart."

"I don't love her, Ruth."

_She shakes her head as her tears fall._

"I can't, Harry. Please don't say it."

"You know I don't love her, don't you?"

_She is still shaking her head._

"Don't you?"

_She is still._

"I love you Ruth." 

"Why?"

"What?

"Why me Harry? I don't understand."

_Slowly he takes her hand and places it gently over his heart._

"This is why. I know you feel it too."

_Silence. She finally brings her eyes to meet his._

"I... I… This is ridiculous!"

"Why?"

"We can't do this Harry."

"Why not?"

"It's not right."

"I think sometimes whether something is right or wrong becomes irrelevant."

"What do you want from me Harry?"

"You know what I want."

"And you think it's that easy do you? You think after everything that we've been through, after everything we've done, you can just tell me that you love me and that I will just fall into you arms? That everything else will melt away? That we will just leave everything behind us here on the Grid and go home… and…? Well, what do you expect?"

"I expect you to let me love you, Ruth. That's all."

"No, Harry."

_He begins to back away from her as the pain of her words stab at his exposed heart._

"No. That's not all."

_He pauses._

"You forgot about this."

_She kisses him. Everything seems to melt away. Then they leave everything behind them on the Grid and he takes her home._

**Really not sure about the ending but there we go. Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry it got a lil bit angsty. RR and let me know **

Stop saying my name! why? Because I cant t


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